College / Life Update

Hey all. I just wanted to take the time to talk about how things have been going right now, why I haven't posted in a long while. 

I've been really busy with college which is the really obvious reason why I haven't been able to do a lot. Things have been really hard for me lately and it has really done a number on my production as a creative. I've been confronting a lot of things about myself and it has led me to be way more frustrated and manic than I usually would be. And as much as I understand that's not the kind of person I am, I don't really want to be known as just a frustrated and upset person. 

Ever since I left the SCP Wiki, I've been struggling a lot with figuring out where I want to go next. I have plans, don't get me wrong. Big plans. But I am really nervous about going forward. It's been really hard for me to work on stuff. There's a script for a video I have that I've just been sitting on, and I feel really ashamed for that because I honestly think it would be really fun to make if I just worked on it more. But I just haven't had the energy and I've been too scared to use the little I have to work on that. 

It's been kind of a nightmare all things considered. And I feel lost. It isn't all bad. I have someone I really care for and love now, something I never thought was possible for me. I still have so much ahead of me as well. I just wish I had the tools to fix this. I don't even really have any medication or coping mechanisms. I just have to live with the issues I have and I've never really had it figured out..

I'm honestly lucky I managed to create as much as I have. And hopefully, with some healing, I can create more. I do have some more positive news. For one thing, I really want to get into commissioning. I'd have to figure it out though, specifically where I would get sent the money and how I would want to be paid. My brain doesn't work the same way most commission artists do, where they're able to know how much they'd be paid for a sketch vs a full drawing. I have an idea on how I want my commissions to go though. I honestly do just have fun creating stuff for people. 

I want to create smaller things before I start doing my bigger ideas. I have something up my sleeve that I am really hopeful I'll be able to do someday. 

There has been something I've been thinking about. Sputnik Studios is one thing from my SCP Wiki writing that I have definitely been planning on passing on to my future non-SCP works. I remember a huge inspiration in the creation of Sputnik Studios was the "Mellow Maromi" episode of Paranoia Agent. I love the absolute meta insanity of that episode and it really put into perspective just how stressful and toxic an animation studio environment has the potential to be. Obviously, it was more related to the Japanese side of animation but I'm certain there has to be some overlap over in the Western world.  

I miss making things and showing them to people. Thank you for understanding.