Thank You

I have a lot of trouble maintaining things. 

I have this issue where, I have a lot of ideas in my head and I struggle to get them all out. I get really excited and I start working on it and then suddenly another thing distracts me and I get caught up in that. It usually leads to a lot of situations where I lose track of stuff I'm working on, leaving projects for dead. 

This is part of the reason why this blog has been dormant for several months. 

I've recently been on medication, but I can lose track of that too. It helps, but it isn't perfect. Life has been extremely hard as of recent. It always has been though, to be completely fair. I think it comes across in everything I do. My home environment is just exhausting. I don't really feel much "love" in my real life, it is something I can only really feel much of online. Even if a parental figure says they "love me" it doesn't really take back all the things they've said about me before. All the things they've done to me. 

I really appreciate conversation. When I see people message me back and engage with me, it just means so much. That's really it for me. It's just engagement, I care a ton about it. The few messages I've been sent on here, it sometimes makes me want to cry. That people cared enough to write down something like that. It's so hard out here. So much has happened since that LFFE post. 

I'm not proud at how much time I spend staying up late. It's just one of those few moments of quiet I get. I just don't always do what's best for me and I need to learn how to get better at it. There are some things that medicine doesn't fix, you just have to do it yourself. You have to improve yourself. Listen to the people that care about you. It's hard.

I've been making an effort to check more stuff out. I've been using a Letterboxd in order to track all the films I want to watch, and I am planning on making a Backloggd as well. If there's a website for logging Anime I'll probably use that too. I have a RYM too but I really just need to pick all these up again. As the kids say, I need to lock in.

As for projects, I do have a few cooking up. Some SCP related, some not. I think promising anything is just a messy idea. I will just see where my life takes me. As long as I create something that makes someone happy, I will be satisfied. 

I've also been considering using this blog as a place to write down more detailed reviews of things... if I ever get around to it. I've been fixated on just writing stuff about things that interest me and reviews are a fun way to try and do that. Don't expect me to rate stuff though. Ew! Stars and shit, that's gross. Don't you know where those been. It's all about liking or disliking. 

Cheers.